By James Peterson and Chad Elijah
The 30th anniversary of Ghostbusters has come and gone, but it has left us wondering what would have happened if there had actually been a third Ghostbusters movie. I had always hoped there would be one, but the passing of Harold Ramis last February makes it seem unlikely.
Ramis took from us a creative writer, actor, and director of memorable classic comedies – Ground Hog Day, Caddyshack, Ghostbusters – the last of which recently celebrated its 30th anniversary with a theatrical re-release. Seeing Egon (“I collect spores, molds, and fungus.”), Ray (“You gotta try this pole!”), Winston (“When someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!”), and Peter (“He slimed me!”) back on the big screen again made me wonder if there will ever be a Ghostbusters 3.
Quickly perusing the internet about the possibility of a Ghostbusters 3 yields many rumors and few verifiable facts. Apparently, Dan Aykroyd and Ivan Reitman have been pushing to bring it back for a third time, with the biggest stipulation that “there’s no point in doing it unless it’s perfect.” Harold Ramis was supposed to make a cameo and Bill Murray would neither confirm nor deny his participation in the project. Circumstances like these have a name around Hollywood – ‘development hell.’
Therefore, with the realistic possibility of Ghostbusters 3 being shelved (for now), it falls upon the fans of the story to create their own fantasy versions, unconstrained by budgets, commitments, and ‘scheduling conflicts.’
I’ll go first with my idea for an act one – imagine if Egon, Ray, Peter, and Winston went their separate ways after part two ended. Peter shacked up with Dana, and together they raised Oscar (Channing Tatum) in the most normal way they could. Egon remained a bachelor and a devoted man of science with a respectable position and a new nerdy-hot female assistant (Zooey Deschanel). Ray opened Ray’s Occult Books again, and now employs a younger man (Jonah Hill) with the same interests. Winston earned a doctorate degree and has tried to distance himself from the Ghostbusters, but his son (Kevin Hart) was always trying to coax him back by getting him to tell stories of his adventures.
Egon discovers that a terrible dimensional rift is on the horizon, with the potential to unleash hell on earth. In a desperate effort to stop the event, Egon sacrifices himself but saves his lab assistant and tells her to pass a cryptic message onto the other Ghostbusters – they will know what it means and what to do.
Zooey originally goes to Ray’s to deliver the message, but Jonah stonewalls her. She then tries to find Peter and Dana, but they deliberately avoid her, although she does manage to catch Channing’s (Oscar’s) eye in the process. She tells him the odd message, and departs looking for Winston Zeddemore.
Winston does meet with Zooey, but when she shares the message, he tells her that it doesn’t mean anything at all. Kevin Hart overhears the message and realizes that it is related to a story that Winston told him when he was younger, and believes that Winston is harboring a secret.
When Zoe leaves, Kevin confronts her and tells her what he knows, while Jonah casually mentions Zooey’s message to Ray. Ray immediately flips out and pulls aside an old bookshelf, revealing some old Ghostbuster technology he has stashed away all these years.
Channing tries to connect with Zooey, who plays him to try to get to Peter, but Kevin screws up the scenario by spilling the beans. Meanwhile, Jonah, on a mission from Ray, arrives at the Venkman residence and confronts the other three, telling them that Ray needs Peter and Winston NOW…
…NOW, all you Ghostbusters fans out there, email firstname.lastname@example.org with a continuation of the storyline, or your own imaginative variation, and we’ll sort through them to post the most creative mish-mash we can in a few more weeks. But in the meantime, if your closet door creaks a little too often in the night, or the light upstairs keeps going on by itself, don’t freak out and wonder…
Who you gonna call?